May 2012 my life changed forever.
The past 8 years of my life have become about practicing BALANCE.
It started with Saying NO, My time became precious I learnt it could be taken from me in a moment. I did not want to leave this world knowing I worked or overbooked myself to death. I want time, time to do what truly makes me happy. Saying No still takes lots of work and you learn to dig deep into your guilt for the fact that you might be letting others down. But the damn truth is sometimes we just. don't. want. to. So be ruthless. say No!
Unplugging from social media became a constant for me, I would find my self sharing, liking, posting and as time goes on you start to see memories that hurt, you see happy photos that remind you of what you lost, you read non stop heavy sad shit. People arguing and bullying. So I would disconnect to re connect with me and not social world. Sometimes it's for a day, maybe week or month. But no matter the time, I am always renewed when I decide to go back.
I miss my brother so much, I at times then and now question how such a good person was taken from me (and of course so many others) but me and I am left with toxic people who hurt me, belittle me or take advantage of me. This was a big learning lesson on how to minimize toxins. I said goodbye to family, friends, co workers and strangers for my own health and happiness.
I will never take for granted the friends and family I have in my life, I will forever be grateful for them and I spend more time with people who matter, the people who light me up, the people who motivate and inspire me, the people who love me the most.
I became very aware of my health, I did not feel good. I was grieving, struggling, pushing through. This is when I decided I did not want a quick fix or anything to mask ALL these feelings. I turned to education I learnt about my body, the food it needed, the water my body craved, the nutrients and vitamins my body desired. I learnt as much as I could, I took courses, attended health talks.
I enjoy exploring the world, by this i don't mean jumping on a plane. This is simply finding simple joy in whats around me that before loosing my brother i never really payed to much attention to. Taking a walk in nature, driving a different route to work, pulling over to take in the corn field, getting lost in a sunflower farm, lake walks in winter, sand sitting in summer. Everything is absorbed into me differently, I feel deeper.
My biggest lesson has been my awareness of Its ok to no be ok. When you are not ok, its ok to be alone. The same year my brother passed away I won 10 classes to Yoga! Of course I was going to redeem them. I was surprised how much I LOVED It, 8 years ago I would have never known how Yoga would change my life. It gave me permission to be alone, it allowed me to cry while in hip poses (Because thats where ALL our emotions go) It challenged me to hold my own weight, It took me out of the negative thoughts, it left me feeling refreshed, renewed and relaxed. I learnt to treat myself, why did i wait for others to surprise me? or take care of me? or treat me to dinners? flowers and gifts.... Yoga taught me that I love myself the most so buy myself those flowers because I deserve them. It became therapy, it healed me. Naturally I had to learn more. I joined Yoga Teacher Training and became certified so I could show others what it feels like to be alone. Its a nice feeling, you should try it!
Fun! I desire more fun. less chaos, stress and shit. Naturally life will pan out how it wants and in the past 8 years I have experienced chaos, stress and shit BUT with all the above steps I look at these things differently, when stress hits I don't hold it in and drink the pain, i don't hang on to the hurt or pain. I turn to the ones who love me for communication, I turn to exploring the world, I say NO, I turn off the blue lights (social media), I eat well and stay hydrated, I turn to Yoga. Creating loving thoughts and movement into my body.
May 2012 when I said goodbye to my brother, I said Goodbye to the old me. I live in balance everyday. No way am I perfect, but living The Balancing Way has given me a brighter out look on this crazy thing we call life xo
Not letting Life Live Me, Better Yet I AM Living Life
One day at a time
RIP Kyle Ehinger xo